A Simple Twist of Fate or Love COMPLETE
by a red burn
Summary: What is changing about Jordan and Woody's relationship?
1. Chapter One

Title: A Simple Twist of Fate (Or Love)   
  
Author: Andréa.  
  
E-mail: deiab_x@hotmail.com  
  
Summary: What is changing about Jordan and Wood's relationship?  
  
Rating: PG-13.  
  
Category: Woody/Jordan.   
  
Spoiler: Sheesh, everything I guess... Happens after second season finale.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing… poor me.   
  
Author's note: Ok people, this is my first Crossing Jordan fic, so please be gentle with your reviews. I'll be really glad to hear what you have to say. English isn't my first spoken language, really sorry the grammar mistakes. Jordan's POV.   
  
One more thing, I didn't watch Don't Look Back... I'm so pissed off; my damned tv wasn't working the day it aired. There was a problem with the cable tv central and it wasn't working that day. Damn all of you cable tv people!!!!   
  
~*~  
  
"Have you ever loved someone, not like a dog or a parent, but someone you find out of dumb luck that makes your life everything you never thought it'd be?"   
  
~*~  
  
Lisa's words kept haunting me since the day she told me them. They had touched me in such a way I had never thought it was possible. It made me think on how my life was actually empty. Could I ever have this kind of love? Would I, someday, fall in love with such strength you think you are able to move the earth? It was sad, really. I had met a lot of guys through my life, some who hurt me; some who made me happy for a while until I realized that they weren't who I was looking for.   
  
Who was I looking for? The one? My one and only? The person who will fill my belly with powerful butterflies, who will make my eyes shine only by the mention of the one's name? I don't know. I wasn't really sure myself. But, strangely enough when I thought about Lisa's words Woody's name came to my mind. It was so... I don't know, weird; I quickly dismissed the thought away.   
  
Love was always a hard issue, something really difficult to talk about and discuss. It shouldn't be; I know it shouldn't. Love is so simple, you know, either you love or you don't love. Just that, but people are used to make everything simple, complicated. Love was is no longer like that. You hide it, dismiss it, shut it away. Instead of loving you just... don't.   
  
I went home that night instead of my dad's bar like I usually did. I had a lot in my mind and didn't need my father asking me what was up or pushing the issue. We would end up fighting and I really didn't need that. I went back to my empty apartment, just like it always was and I guess it was stupid because it only made me more depressed. Before I realized what I had done, I called Woody and asked him to come over just to talk or something; spend some quality time together.   
  
And he did. He didn't question me as to why I was calling him, why I needed him to be with me; he just said yes and came to my place. It was great; we talked all night long, even if we both had to work early the next day. Woody didn't say anything; I knew he would be tired next morning to go to work but he didn't mention anything, he stayed with me all the time without any complains. We talked, we laughed, we joked, we got much more intimate than we ever could. I got to know a new whole side of him, a side I truly enjoyed. After that night we got much closer than we were before.   
  
But it happened months ago. After that we had a lot of road ahead; a lot of things happened with us. I made some right decisions, some wrong like when we went to L.A. and after we kissed. I know I was the one who started it, what could I do? Why not? It was strange... we were there, looking at each other and then suddenly came that strange feeling inside me; something that pushed me to kiss him. I don't regret what I did, not at all. His kiss is... I don't know, wonderful? Amazing? Indescribable? Yeah, definitively indescribable. When our lips touched I felt fire running through my body; he kissed me with such care and gentleness that amazed me, he handled me with such softness I had never been before. He stood to all my crap, he knew about all my demons and still he stood with me.   
  
You don't find friends like him often in your life; you barely find real friends. Maybe that's the reason I talked him into putting that wall after we had kissed; maybe I just didn't want to mess everything up, I didn't want to lose him and the friendship we have. I know I, sooner or later, would mess with everything; that's what's happening all my love life. I always hurt the person I was with; I always pushed them away. I didn't want that to happen with Woody; he's too important to me to lose him. I didn't want to hurt Woody; I didn't want to push him away so the best thing to do was put up the wall around me. I told him that and he understood.  
  
"Jordan?"   
  
She said bringing me away from my thoughts. I looked up, away from the telephone in my hand to meet Lily's worried eyes. I looked surprised at her; how long had I been staring at the phone? "Humm, yeah?"   
  
"You OK?"   
  
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" I asked harsher than I intended to and caught the slight hurt on her face as she looked down ashamed. "Sorry Lily, I just have a lot in my mind." I said honestly sorry.   
  
She looked again at me and smiled a little. I guess she was used the way I talked to everyone, but what could I do? That's the way I am. If I have something to say then I say it. I'm not one of gossiping behind someone's back. If I'm pissed at someone this person will know that. "I was going home and when I passed by I saw you. You were looking so intensely at the phone that I got worried. I just stopped to see if you were going home."   
  
"I... Yeah, I was just gathering my things." I said as I ran a hand over my face, trying uselessly to wipe off the headache that was starting to kick my ass.   
  
"I guess I'm going then." She smiled again and nodded as she said, "Bye."   
  
"Bye." I smiled too and watched her going. My eyes fell to the object in my hand again and I wondered if I whether should call him or not, my thoughts once again on all my unresolved feelings. I knew I had feelings for him which ran deep, but I just didn't want to let it blind me to the harsh reality that was my life; I didn't want but at the same time I wanted him to fix this reality. To be part of it.   
  
I sighed and massaged my head with two fingers on each side. Maybe calling him to have a drink wasn't going to be a good thing after all. But I wanted it so badly; I wanted to spend some time with him. Well, it was just a headache; it would be good in the morning. I could handle a headache for a few hours; I handled worst things before. Decided, I picked up the phone and put it on my ear dialing his cell number.   
  
"Hoyt." He said professional. He sounded tired; suddenly I thought if it was a good idea calling him. After all day working he would want to rest, right?   
  
"Hey, farmboy."   
  
"Hey Jordan." He sounded much more enthusiastic after hearing my voice; maybe I was flattering myself but... Could I really do that to him?   
  
"I was wondering, what if we meet at the Pogue today for a couple of drinks?"   
  
"I can't." He sighed and my heart sank. Did he really say that? "I have loads of paperwork to do and I have to report half of it by tomorrow morning."   
  
"Oh, well... good, fine... hum, so... it's goodnight, I guess." I swear, I didn't mean to stutter but it just came out this way. I was just so disappointed that I couldn't form an whole sentence.   
  
"Maybe tomorrow?"   
  
"Yeah, sure." I practically rushed the words out without even letting my brain process completely what he had said. "Oh wait! I can't..." I think I sounded much more disappointed than I wanted to. I didn't want him to notice it though. "I promised Garret I'd do something for him tomorrow night."   
  
"Well, then we have to leave it to another day."   
  
"I guess." I sighed. "I call you then?"   
  
"If we don't see each other before it."   
  
"Yeah." I ran a hand over my face, realizing for the first time hoe much tired I was. "Bye" I said with a bit of disappointment and sorrow. I didn't really want to end the connection.  
  
"Bye." He said back and I put the phone back on its place. I sighed again, unhappy by how my day had ended as I took my bag and left my office, turning the lights off before leaving.  
  
~*~  
  
"Shot guy on 4" Garret said practically throwing a folder at me. I grabbed it before it could fall to the floor and looked puzzled at him.   
  
"Sorry. Busy day." He shrugged and resumed walking; I heard him mumbling under his breath 'and it barely started.'   
  
I looked down at the folder in my hands and opened it to read the files as I walked to where the body was. He had been shot during an exchange of bullets between cops and robbers, the bullet had gone straight to his head, instantaneous death. Not much to do here and no need to involve the cops, which meant no need to involve Woody.   
  
I shook my head. Where the hell did that thought come from? Since when did I started looking forward to see Woody? 'Well, how about that time you went to LA to make sure he would come back home?' I heard a small voice in the bottom of my head, which I was sure was my conscience. Was it true? It couldn't be. How come I didn't realize it? How I fucking didn't?? It meant nothing, really. I had just gone to LA because I was afraid he would like all the vibe in there and decided on staying forever; I was afraid of losing a best friend. Nothing else.   
  
"Jordan?" I looked up startled and find Nige in front of me. "Are you feeling ok?"   
  
I nodded; I didn't have all the strength to do anything else, really. What was happening? For the second time people had caught me out in space. And these two times I was thinking about Woody. But it was just coincidence, right? I mean, just when I had him in my mind was that someone decided on interrupting me. So, it wasn't my fault.... At all... Right?   
  
"You sure?" He asked softly not wanting to push me but he had this weirded look on his face and I looked - or tried - to look at me and see what he was finding so weird.   
  
I was there, just standing with files in one hand and the other flattened on the door, ready to open it. Nothing wrong with this vision right? But the thing is, it wasn't just that, no. I was probably standing like that for minutes musing over Woody and that would look really weird. I mean, me Jordan Cavanaugh, still for even a single moment is something that I really should be proud of, well, if I was five or six. To someone who knew me long enough knew that me being still for more than ten seconds was a deed.   
  
"Yeah." I said not looking him in the eye and finally opened the door to get in, Nigel following me suit.   
  
"Robert Collins, 32. Died from a bullet in his head." Nige said shaking his head slightly. He looked sad, I'm not really sure why. "You know," He turned and looked at me. "It's going to be a busy day. He's one of the ten people who got shot today."   
  
"Garret told me. What happened with the cops?" Curiosity kicked in. Not really. Well, I always wanted to know everything. I shrugged mentally. Who cared?  
  
"Three blokes tried to be Superman, Batman and Robin. They tried to steal a bank and it didn't end up well. Two of them were shot, one is dead the other is in the hospital and three or four cops got shot."   
  
I frowned and looked even more curious at Nige. "How the hell do you know all that?"   
  
He shrugged nonchalant as he looked at the dead body. "I heard around."   
  
I had to smile at Nige. "That's what it looks."   
  
"It seemed pretty bad." He looked back at me with this mysterious smile on his face, or what we could call Nigel's smile when he had a brilliant idea and I saw his mouth opening again. "If you call Woodrow we could know what happened."   
  
Wow! What the hell was that? The simple mention of his name sent a tingle down my body and my spine shivered with thrill. Or dread, I don't really know. And Nige had called him by his name, the one no one used unless they wanted to make fun of it and I only could wonder what could have happened if Nige had said 'Woody'. Yeah, the nickname is not really good but way better than calling him Woodrow all the time. Haha, I feel a laugh form within and have to make a big effort to keep it from coming out of my mouth.   
  
"Don't think so." I mumbled thinking only I could hear but I was wrong, for as soon as the words had left my mouth Nigel looked at me weirded again. What the hell...   
  
"Why not? Don't tell me you two had an disagreement again." He put one gloved hand on his hip looking expectantly at me, thinking he was my mother. Psf. Not likely.  
  
"Of course not." I smiled Cheshire-y kind of way. "He wouldn't dare to disagree with me."   
  
He chuckled more to himself and his eyes went back to the body. "You're so right."   
  
I joined him with my own chuckle and decided on putting my cute ass to work.   
  
~*~  
  
7:13 of the end of a busy day and I still was in the morgue. Why, do you ask? Simple... because I was stupidly staring at the phone in front of me. I was free for the night and wanted to let Woody know this little fact. I wasn't inviting myself to go out with him, just letting him know I was... available. But... what the hell was I supposed to say? 'Hi, Woody, it's me. You know that thing I had to do for Garret? Yeah, so, I don't need to do it anymore. Maybe we could go get a few drinks?' I couldn't say that. I would sound... demented.   
  
But I wanted to call him. I actually wanted to go out with him. What the hell was wrong with me? A few days ago this possibility wouldn't even cross my mind... 'Liar' I hear my inner self saying. Yeah, ok fine! I'm lying! I always thought about that, well, from time to time I really did think. I thought, but I couldn't. I couldn't let myself get close enough, not this kind of intimacy. He would end up hurting like all the other men that crossed my path. But something happened because I was considering the possibility of a relationship with Woody. I seriously was.  
  
I slowly reached for the phone, my hand was quivering and no matter how much I tried to stop it, it wouldn't listen to me. Right when I touched it, it rang. I jumped back, startled, and I hit my back against the chair. "What?" I barked on the phone, irritated at whoever was in the other end.   
  
"Nice way of greeting me, Jordan."   
  
"Woody?! Sorry..." Oah, what timing. "I was about to call you."   
  
"Really? For...?" He asked curious.  
  
"You know that thing I had to do? Well, I don't have to do it anymore, so, humm, maybe we could go get that drink." Yup... demented.   
  
"Sure. That would be good."   
  
"Good. Meet you at the Pogue in... say, twenty minutes?"  
  
"Sounds good. See ya."   
  
"Bye." I hung and stared at the phone for longer than I thought, thinking about what I had just done. And that Woody didn't say why he had called for.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hi, dad." I greeted him as I took my bag from around my body and set it on a tool.   
  
Dad looked up from the glass he was cleaning, smiling a bit. "Hi, Jordan." He beckoned his chin to a corner near the jukebox making me turn curious to look as dad continued to speak. "Someone's waiting for you."   
  
As soon as he had caught my eye, Woody lifted his beer on a greeting gesture. The way him eyes met mine, it was just... just indescribable. There was something in his eyes, the way he looked at me. It made me feel... especial. Funny, huh? The more I tried to push him away, the more I was attracted to him, like he was this magnet and I was the metal object that was attracting it and getting pulled in by its force. It was just too weird.   
  
I gave him back a tiny smile I'm not sure he saw, then grabbed my bag and turned to dad. "Hey, dad? Can you bring a couple of beers over there?" I asked, leaving without waiting for an answer. I knew dad was wondering why Woody was there waiting for me and I knew that if I stayed a little longer with him dad would make too many questions, most of which I couldn't answer to myself.  
  
I pulled out a chair and sat, my bag hanging on the back of it. "Hoyt." I said playfully seriously.  
  
He took a quick sip of his beer and nodded his head slightly. "Dr. Cavanaugh."  
  
I was about to say something back, my mouth already open, but dad showed right then, bringing with him a couple of beers. "Thanks, dad." I said instead and with a glance at me he left. I looked back at Woody just to see that cute smile on his lips. My heart fluttered at this sight and butterflies came inside of me. You know, I loved that smile. It was something so... his, it was always so radiant and illuminated; it was contagious. I smiled back at him as I lifted my beer. "Cheers."   
  
He tilted his head and winked flirtatiously. "To us."   
  
I closed my eyes for a brief moment to let his statement sink in, he never ever gave up - and probably never would - then I nodded faintly. "To us." We clinked our beers and took a sip. I closed my eyes again as the cold glass touched my lips, to feel better the even colder liquid as it ran down my throat. I don't know when why but I felt as thought this sip would somehow change our lives; and I was actually looking forward to this 'to us'.   
  
I opened my eyes again to find Woody staring at me just the way he always did when he thought I wasn't looking, though this time he let me see it and what I saw in his eyes took me aback. It was all there, you know, all his feelings for me, each one of them; the worship, the affection, the adoration, the desire... the love. I shouldn't be so surprised, I knew already exactly how he felt about me, but it got me stunned anyway. Actually seeing it, right there, in front of me. And I couldn't even blame the beer for I hadn't drank even half of it yet.  
  
"Tough day?" He asked softly, his eyes still on me and I think he noticed I was out in space.   
  
I focused on him again and shrugged. "I had tougher." I said nonchalant and took another sip of my beer. He was looking at me again, staring at me again and it started to feel creepy. I shifted uncomfortable on my chair, avoiding his gaze at all costs, it was like he was trying to read my mind. I waited for him to stop staring at me, he had to eventually, but he didn't. "What??" I finally let my eyes meet his and found his cute smirk on.  
  
"Nothing." He said, he almost chuckled and his smirk widened just before he brought the beer to his lips; or he brought the beer to his lips to stop his widening smirk.  
  
I brought my eyes down at my beer, my finger sliding along its opening as I chuckled silently.  
  
It was Woody's turn to ask, "What?"   
  
I looked back at him and tilted my head to the side. "Nothing." I shrugged very slightly, an almost imperceptible move.  
  
He tilted his head too and I swear I saw his eyes shine just before he made his comment, which took me by surprise. "You're just too cute."   
  
I looked at him with an expression on my face that would be the same of he had grown a second head on his body. Well, he said I was cute... how did you want me to take it?  
  
He shrugged and I saw him trying hard to keep a smile from creeping over his lips. "You are." I wanted to smack him on the head for that.   
  
~*~  
  
Two hours and a half later I found myself sitting much closer to Woody than I previously was, deep in conversation. I couldn't say for sure how this topic started, heel, I couldn't even say what exactly we were talking about, but I was laughing almost hysterically about something he had said. Could you believe that?  
  
I looked up at him, our side-by-side chairs causing a proximity I wasn't very aware before because of the beet that was starting to work inside my body, its alcohol finally showing signs. Funny, I had only one beer. I think it was easier to blame the alcohol for my state.   
  
I could feel his warmth radiating from his body, his breath tickling the skin on my neck, causing gooseflesh on my arms. I stopped laughing to look better at his eyes. He stopped laughing too and looked at me.  
  
My body tingled, my eyes locked on his. I could see and feel emotions running in his eyes. I saw it all and I could feel my own feelings running through my body; too many to name. He leaned in; he was so close I felt his warm breath against my lips. I leaned in too and I would have kissed him if it wasn't for the discreet caught from the person standing in front of our table.   
  
We both pulled away as if we had been electrocuted or something at the same time we looked up. I met my dad's curious gaze for a brief second and looked away, embarrassed; I could tell Woody hadn't even looked at dad and probably was thinking on a place to hide at how embarrassed he was feeling. Poor Woody, his cheeks were so red I thought he had burned them.   
  
"Are you done with the beers? Can I take them away?"   
  
"Yes... dad, we're done here."   
  
Dad grabbed the empty bottles and took them away with him, not forgetting to give me a glare before he left.  
  
I brought my eyes back to Woody only to see him looking at his watch. "It's getting late." He said and looked sympathetically at me.  
  
"Yeah. We better go."   
  
"Yeah." Wow! What a good answer...  
  
There was an agreement, though neither of us moved from where we were. We were so close I didn't want to let it go just yet, but then he started to get up. "Come on." he stretched out a hand to me and I gladly accepted it. "I walk you to your car." He said as he pulled me up and I chuckled.   
  
"Yes, sir."   
  
We walked to the counter, hand in hand because I hadn't let his hand go and he made no attempt to do it either. With his free hand he took some money from his pocket and gave it to dad, but he didn't accepted it.  
  
"It's on the house." He shook his head.   
  
"Dad..." I groaned. I swear he'd end up broke; never let me pay. I know it was Woody but he was with me.  
  
"You can't do that." Woody put the money over the counter. "I want to pay and you have to take it." He stepped back far enough so dad couldn't give the money back, bringing me with him since our hands were still locked.  
  
"He's right dad." I scolded and pulled Woody to leave as I said, "bye."   
  
Somehow his arm found its way around my shoulders, bringing me in and I put one of my arms around his waist as I leaned my head on his shoulder. We had been like that before. I had been in his arms before. It felt always so good, so right. He sent me chills as his hand ran up and down my arm, giving me a strange feeling of warmth.   
  
We went up the stairs like that and stopped beside my car. "See you tomorrow?"   
  
Woody looked at me and smiled as we pulled away. "If someone dies."   
  
I chuckled, albeit sadly by his true statement. "Doesn't always?"   
  
"Yeah."   
  
And then a strange silence fell upon us. It wasn't uncomfortable, it was just... strange because, we, Woody and I equal silence? No way. We just stayed there, looking at each other. Woody was looking straight in my eyes and I found it hard to think correctly. I don't know what was it, but he had this affect on me.  
  
He was unlike anyone I've ever known. He was so caring and gently. I knew I had feelings for him, which ran deep, but I couldn't let it get into the way. I couldn't. There was an undeniable chemistry between us and Woody had touched somewhere inside me no one had ever one before, but as for truly being in love with him, I couldn't say.   
  
I mean, I think love even ran through my head, can you believe that? I'm not saying it's something bad, or sick, or unthinkable or whatever. I'm not. It's just that... I don't know... Love... kind of strong word don't you think?   
  
When you love someone you want to spend every waking moment with this person - and a bit more. But what I did was completely different. I was always avoiding him, avoiding the topic I knew Woody was always thinking. I think I was afraid of losing him. Yeah, that's right. I lose everyone in my life I came to love. I didn't want to mess everything with Woody. I shouldn't be afraid. Love gives you strength to fight for this person. Love made you happy. Love wasn't bad.   
  
And there it was, the word love again.   
  
I brought one hand up, breaking this spell - or whatever you want to cal it - and pointed to his car. "Time to go, little boy." I raised one eyebrow and shooed him away. "Go away."   
  
"You say that half hearted."   
  
"I don't like you, go away." I said trying to sound serious but they way he looked at me made a smile slowly crept over my face.  
  
"Oh yeah." He laughed seeing my smile - obviously. "You love me."   
  
"Says who?"   
  
"Your insides are twisting with want, you long for me. I saturate you."   
  
"Oh yeah. You're like cold water in a hot and dry desert." I chuckled the words out, playing along with him.   
  
"That's right, baby, you know exactly what you want."   
  
He was really something, you know? He pushed so much, but not too much at once, he was always there, pushing a little all the time. One day I may even let him win. "Just go already."   
  
He chuckled and opened his door. "Good night, Jordan." He said waving a hand.  
  
"'Night." I said back and watched him leave. The joy I was feeling while he was with me, somehow went away with Woody. It was now gone and I couldn't even smell his sweet male scent anymore.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
So, what do you think, people? Should I continue? I wrote only this chapter because I needed to know if you guys would like it. If you like it and want me to write more leave a review telling me so. If you don't review I won't know if it's good nor if I should write more.   
  
Till the next (Maybe). 


	2. Chapter Two

A Simple Twist of Fate (Or Love) 2  
  
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine and I'm not making any money out of spending hours of my day obsessing over them.   
  
Author's note: I'm so sorry for the delay. When I started writing this fic I had everything in my head, but then I started another fics of the other show I love and this one ended in the botton of my fic list. But now it's finally here and I hope you enjoy this chapter even with the shortness. I just wanted to post something since it was long I didn't post anything.   
  
Also, thank you so much for all the nice reviews I received. All feedback was accepted with shrieks of glee. :) Read this chapter and review, but please, no flames, unless it's really, really necessary. (I truly hope it's not)  
  
~*~   
  
Chapter Two  
  
~*~  
  
"Morning sunshine." Nige greeted me stepping on my way to my office. His 'Nigel's smile' on his face that way it always was when something was in his mind.   
  
"Morning, Nige." I smiled back at him and I think I let the words out too enthusiasm because he looked at me with a puzzled look.   
  
"Happy today, aren't we?" He chuckled the words out.  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about."   
  
"You just seem... more cheery today."   
  
"Jordan?" Garret's voice called me; interrupting whatever else Nigel was going to say, saving me from whatever interrogation I'd find myself. I was surprised Nigel could read me so well like that.  
  
"What's up, Garret?" I asked and smiled, relieved at him, a gesture that seemed to confuse him as Nigel walked away chuckling softly to himself, which made me cast a quick curious look at him.   
  
"A man was found dead this morning and I want you at the site." He said handing me a small paper with the address.  
  
"Ok." I said and turned to leave.   
  
* * *  
  
The drive to the site took me about twenty minutes and the place was already full of cops and people. It was so weird that people got curious about dead bodies. I mean, people die all the time, there's no mysterious in it. How could a dead body catch much more attention than a sick person, asking money on the streets?  
  
As I got out of the car and walked to the house, my eyes unconsciously searching for any signs of Woody in the crowd. 'Stop it...' I mentally muttered and would have slapped my head if one my hands wasn't occupied with my kit and the other wasn't blindly waving ahead of me as if trying to show a point to whoever my inner self was arguing with.  
  
I walked up the stairs and squeezed myself to pass between the cops in front of the house after I showed my ID. And, right in the minute I got inside the house, who do I find? Exactly! Woody Hoyt of course...   
  
He was talking to one of the cops in there and when his eyes found me he smiled and excused himself from the cop to walk towards me. "Jordan, hey."   
  
"Woody." I smiled back. Hell, what else could I do? What else could I do?? It was like somebody else was taking control over my body because I don't control over it. It smiled by its own will and moved by its own will whenever Woody was near me... "Where's the body?"   
  
"Upstairs." He said pointing at that general direction with one hand as the other went to my back, to gently rest there and guide me.   
  
Seriously, it would be really hard to work if Woody stayed close to me. And he always did. God, please help me.... Woody needed to have more work to do. Away from me. I didn't mean to seem so rude, but at this very moment his proximity was troublesome, it was making me feel things I didn't want to feel. Feelings I wasn't ready to face yet. And his hand on my back wasn't helping matters.  
  
Finally reaching the top of the stairs I could see the bathroom door open and a red colored liquid shyly peeking out of the illuminated room. Walking further inside I saw a white man laying on the floor, his face turned away from me and this way I could see a small hole on the side of his head from where blood flowed freely.   
  
"So, the cause of death is this hole in the head, right?"   
  
Lord, he was so close his voice was almost whispered and his warm breath trickled my hair. I unconsciously shuddered and tried to clean my throat silently. "Probably. But I need to examine him to make sure of the cause of death."   
  
"Of course." He gave me his boyish smile as he crouched on the floor to look at the man closely. I bit my lip nervously and crouched too then put my kit o the floor and took from there the white latex gloves. Now I needed to examine him superficially and send him to the morgue. Woody got up again and handed me a plastic bag he grabbed from a table in the bathroom. "We found a gun in the man's hand. The PD forensics will examine it, but if you want you can come too."   
  
I smiled thankfully at him and looked back at the body. Since from the first time we met, Woody was always very helpful and much more easy to work with than the general cops from the PD. He always let me be part of what he did, asked me my opinion and searched for my approval. In the beginning he always called for me, medical examiner Dr. Cavanaugh. The first time he actually asked for me I was a bit surprised when I arrived at the site of murder and found him. But to the honest, I liked that, even if it was hard for me to say this, I liked because it showed how much he depended on me, how much he needed me.   
  
Woody was so happy, always feeling so up and it was overly good to be near him because his always good mood was contagious. Seeing him acting like a child on Christmas morning was very exciting. He made me smile even though I never noticed it and I felt good with myself when he was around and I never noticed it either. He was someone you could talk to so easily; things would just come out with their own will when we talked. I felt comfortable with him.   
  
Even after we had kissed in L.A. I felt comfortable. I mean, I should feel weird, feel uncomfortable around him, and feel... I don't know, strange, but I didn't. Even then I was so at easy that when he asked for a 'for the road' kiss it still felt right and ok. We still felt comfortable around each other. And this was one of the best things in our relationship, we didn't need to avoid each other because of stupid things we did. Not that kissing him was stupid, because, Jesus, that was the best kiss I ever had...  
  
"I don't think it's necessary." I smiled again, showing him I was ok with that and resumed doing my job.   
  
"Ok. So, I'll just hand this to the other guy." He waved his hand holding the plastic bag and left the room and, when he was out of sight, the air in the bathroom suddenly seemed to be more... respirable because I took in a deep breath just then noticing how much I needed air to keep me alive, not knowing I had stopped breath somewhere between his touch at the botton of the stairs or when he breathed out in my hair.   
  
* * *  
  
I took a sip of my hot coffee and rubbed my eyes tiredly. I don't know what was happening to me but I was sure Woody was a big part of it. It wasn't complicated. I mean; I knew he wanted me, right? It was obvious, he had told me before, and he had said he liked me. But what I didn't know was what I felt for him. Was it only a growing attraction? Or was it a growing love instead? That's where my problem got bigger because either way wasn't good, either way I would run from. I couldn't just have good sex with him and want to get out and if it was love I just couldn't let myself fall for him, I couldn't have something with him just to get hurt later, or worse, hurt him.   
  
It was a huge problem. I cared too much about Woody. Maybe more than I ever cared about someone.   
  
I brought my hand up and ran my fingers through my hair in a nervous kind of way, taking a few locks from my eyes and rubbed my face. Ever since I was 19 I always wondered how it would be when I found the one for me, if I found him. I always wondered if I would fall in love and feel something so deeply for someone else and when I met Lisa this only increased my inquiry. I don't know what was wrong with me because if I wanted to find the one for me why I always ran away when a kind and nice man showed up on my door, ready to love me? Was I so scared to give in because of my mother's death? Because I was afraid of losing a person I loved so much again? Why had I built up that wall around my heart if I wanted to find someone to love?  
  
I sighed and stared at the floor, looking at the old made random figures on it. My God, it was so hard. It was all blanks lines, a virgin white paper, nothing to give me answer, no one to give them to me. It would be so easy if there was a book where we could look into when we needed difficult answers... But just when we need these answers, books don't give them. They're useless to important issues. My eyes were still focused on the floor as though it could provide all of the answers I had ever looked for as I found myself wondering how it would feel to kiss him again.   
  
I just want a small moment of happiness, just a bit of certain of what to do, sure that if I gave in Woody would still be there for me, that if we got together and one day we broke up we would still be friends like we were now. That none of what we had would change to worse. If I had a small clue of that, then maybe I could move forward.  
  
* * *   
  
I don't know why, but I was staring at the phone now and then as if I was waiting a call or maybe I wanted to make one. I was getting freaking ridiculous... I shook my head and stared back at my computer screen. Since I was in my lunch break I could finish some paperwork.   
  
"Hey, you're not going out to lunch?"   
  
I looked up and met Garret's concerned face. I smiled at him and shook my head. "Nah, I'm not hungry. I'll stuck here and finish some paperwork."   
  
"You sure? You can come with me."   
  
"I'm fine, Garret. Thank you."   
  
"Ok, but don't stay without eating for too long. You need food inside you. I don't want to have to examine you on one of those tables."   
  
I laughed softly and he ended laughing too. "Don't worry Garret. You stuck with for a long while."   
  
"Good to know." He smiled again and waved a hand as he walked away. I watched him go until where I couldn't see him anymore and just when I was ready to resume my work, the phone rang.   
  
"Cavanaugh."   
  
"Hey, you free now?"   
  
I stopped everything I was doing as if I had been frozen. I could do nothing but focus only on his sweet voice, though I couldn't find my voice when an electric shiver ran through my body. "Hey." I finally breathed out. "Yeah, hmm, I have nothing to do, why?"   
  
"I thought we could grab lunch together."   
  
"That sounds good. I know this place..."   
  
"If it's new I'm going nowhere near it." He cut me off with his chuckled sentence.   
  
I chuckled too as I remembered our last attempt to go to a new restaurant. We ended on the line to get inside during almost al our lunch break and the rest of it we got a call from work. And seriously, Woody is really annoying when he has no food inside him. "Nowhere new. Promise."   
  
"Good."   
  
"Maybe the Chinese across the street?"   
  
"Sounds good to me. I'll be there in ten."   
  
"Ok. See you then." I said and waited his reply before hanging up. You know, strangely enough, suddenly I felt that starving thing in me.  
  
* * *  
  
As soon as I stepped out of the building I saw his car pulling up in front of me. He opened his door and with a big smile spread across his face he got out. Like I said, he was always so happy. He was so... I don't know. Radiant. I don't even know if that describes it. Maybe it's beyond radiant. Some word that isn't even in the dictionary or exist at all. What I know though, is that not a single breath came out of me while I stood there and stared at him. He looked really good in work clothes and this time he wasn't using a ridiculous tie.   
  
I gulped, as that smile spread didn't leave his face. He was moving towards me. Closer, closer, and then all of a sudden, so close that it came to the point where I swear, I could hear his heartbeat and feel it against my own. Those light blue eyes of his looked up at me and no matter how I dared to try, I just could absolutely not look away. The beat of my heart suddenly turned into rapid ones and I thought my heart was about to burst out from the way it was beating.   
  
"Hey."   
  
"Hey." I answered completely out of reflex.   
  
"Ready to go?"   
  
"Yeah." He smiled again and I smiled back at him then he sneaked his arm through mine and linked our arms. We walked over and while doing so; he stood closer to me, pulling me to him since our arms were linked. It was more than I asked for at the moment and I was happy for that.   
  
His touch was so soothing. I had never noticed that, but then, at that very moment, as we walked together, crossing the street, I felt as if nothing else in the world mattered, as if I didn't need anything else. The first time we met I felt some kind of odd connection with him and as we grew closer and became friends this feeling became stronger too. It was strong enough to make me go all the way to California just to make sure he would come back to me.   
  
He took his arm from mine and put it around my shoulder, bringing me even closer. God, it felt so good. I felt so good in his arms; it felt so right. And again he sent me shivers as his fingers touched my bare arm and all I wanted was to turn and kiss him, to prove to myself he tasted as good as I remembered. Because his smell was as good as it was back then.   
  
He tilted his head, turning it so he could look at me and I saw that twinkle in his eyes as a smile formed over his lips. "This better be a good place since I'm paying."   
  
I smile too and poked him on the side, make him shriek and pull away a bit and before I miss his warmth he pulled me back to him. "Of course you are." I said half playing half serious and smirked.   
  
He didn't say anything; he just stared at me and smirked back. Then turned his attention back to the streets.   
  
* * * 


	3. Chapter Three

A Simple Twist of Fate (Or Love) 3  
  
Disclaimer: The characters are not mine and I'm not making any money out of spending hours of my day obsessing over them.   
  
~*~  
  
When I turned the hall to head to my office I saw Woody in there through the glass window and I stopped. I watched him as he rummaged through my things over my table, touching everything and a small smile appeared on his lips when he found a framed picture of my mother and me when I was four, that I let there, to look at it now and then.   
  
I smiled to myself even though I didn't want to, when I should be feeling angry with him for touching my personal things. I resumed walking and opening my door, I cleared my throat to make myself known. He turned to me immediately and smiled even bigger. "Hey." He said and lifted the picture. "Pretty photo of yours. I didn't know you were so cute."   
  
"Haha, very funny, Woodrow." I mocked and took the frame from his hands to put it back in place.   
  
"No need to bite. I'm just telling the truth."   
  
"Well, it reflected how I'd be when I grew up."   
  
"I couldn't agree more." He winked flirtatiously and stepped closer. My God, now I could feel that unmistakable male scent of his. And what a good scent I should add.   
  
I shook my head and focused back on our conversation. And then I got curious as to why he was here instead of doing his work. "And why are you here, anyway?" I asked as I rested my side on the edge of the desk.   
  
"I'm going to Wisconsin for a few days. I just wanted to let you know, so you wouldn't be worried when I suddenly stop hovering over you." He smirked and winked again. He would never, ever stop flirting with me. For as much as I tried to be cold he would never stop flirting. And I think that deep down I didn't really want him to stop.   
  
"And who said I'd be worried?"   
  
"Well, for someone who flew miles to LA to bring me back home I think worry is something very known to this person."   
  
I looked down, not being able to look at him any longer and found that my nails were a very amusing thing. How could I have gotten close to someone so much like I did with Woody within only two years? I wished I knew how our complicated relationship had gotten to the place it was. We weren't just friends, but we weren't more than friends either. Because, truly, I had to be more than just friend to be so scared Woody wouldn't come back to Boston from LA and actually going there to bring him back.   
  
He was so important to me that I couldn't risk any kind of relationship with him when he kissed me back in LA. I hurt all men I came across, and like I said, Woody was too important to just use him for sex and run when things got to out of control for me. I couldn't do that. I promised myself I wouldn't love anyone and I had broken this promise before. I couldn't do it again.   
  
I looked back up and saw him waiting patiently for me to speak and I could do nothing but smile at his boyish pretty face. "Ok, fine." I threw my arms up in defeat. "I'd be worried about you, ok?"   
  
"Aha! I knew." He pointed me his index finger after slapping his palms and grinned.   
  
"Grow up, Woody." I laughed playing with him.   
  
"Don't you think I'm grown enough?" He wiggled his eyebrows and smirked again. Ok, Woody did have a really fine body and his face wasn't bad either, but seriously, he didn't need to make me think about his good physical appearance, did he?  
  
But wait... he would be away for a few days... Woody would be gone for a while and just now I finally got it. It would be days. I didn't want him to go. No, I wanted him to stay. Oh my god... what am I doing? Could I be missing him already? No, I shook my head mentally, no I couldn't. It was just... Woody...  
  
That was the problem... it was him.   
  
He looked at his watch and sighed. Oh, it just couldn't be a good thing. He looked back at me and smile. "Well, I have to go. I got pack and catch a plane in a few hours." He hugged me and my arms wrapped themselves around him by their own will. He pulled back and smiled again. "See you in a few days."   
  
"Yeah." I smiled too and watched as he waved and walked away from me. Each step he took was a step further away. "Woody?" He stopped when he heard my voice and looked back. "Will you miss me?" I swear I don't know where the hell that sentence came from, but it did. It just formed over my lips and left my mouth. I sounded fucking needy and I didn't want to feel needy. Not in front of him. Or because of him.   
  
He gasped as if I had said something horrid. He put both hands on his hips and gave me a faked hurt look. "What are you thinking? Of course I will." He then brought one hand to his heart and left it there. "I can't believe you didn't know. You hurt me."   
  
I rolled my eyes and chuckled. "Oh, please, got the hell out of here." I waved a hand mentioning for him to go as I kept on chuckling.   
  
He started chuckling too. "Bye." He waved and finally left.   
  
I bit my lip and replied, "Bye." I didn't hide the disappointment in my voice, though. I simply couldn't. I could barely go through a day without seeing, talking, or hanging out with him, even if I didn't dare to admit it to myself, I knew. So how the hell could I go that long?   
  
I fiddled with my fingers as I looked around the room as if it was some kind of wonder or something. I sighed and rubbed my face with one of my hands. Well, it seemed I'd have to go on that long... I already missed him and it was freaking scary.  
  
* * *  
  
I threw the last dart on the random picture hanging on the back of my door and did a small wave of hand with my victory of hitting the picture right in the middle. Don't even ask where these darts came from because I had no idea. I just found them somewhere in the morgue and I'm not even sure where. I think it was Nigel's...   
  
I sighed loudly and searched around for something else to do. I had thrown these darts over ten times and I decided it was enough for a long while. Sweet Lord, there had to be something in that freaking office to do. But there wasn't. Nothing at all. Since when did people stop dying? It was impossible, right? The world wasn't so perfect to the point of people stopping dying of unnatural death... Or not... and why was I in the office in the first place?   
  
Oh, yes... I was picking on Garret and he 'grounded' me. Pff...   
  
It was not my fault. I was bored to death. Bored, bored, bored. There was nothing to do and he decided some 'easy cases' was what I needed and told me to examine those stupid natural death bodies. And now, looking around the office I was even more bored than before. And no Woody to annoy this time. Oh, good Lord... when was he coming back? He was gone about... hmmm... oh yeah, a day and a half...   
  
Oh my.. what was I going to do until he was back? There was no fun working if he wasn't around to work with me...  
  
* * *  
  
I got up from the airport chair for the fifth time and looked at the disembarkation area, searching for any sign of Woody even though I knew his flight hadn't arrived yet. I looked at my wrist watch and checked the time. Damn... Why did I come so early? I stil had about half an hour until he arrived. I think I was too anxisous of finally seeing him again after four days. Four long days that seemed more like four years. Jesus Christ... there was really something wrong with me... I was so lame...  
  
I sighed and walked to the news stand near the bar and rumaged around, flipping a few magazines, doing anything that could distract me. I had decided on coming to the airport and surprise him by waiting him when he arrived. I missed him so much that any extra time with him was very welcome. Darn it... I felt like I wanted to spend my whole life with him. He went inside me and I just let him. Now I was only living with the consequences of getting too close.   
  
These four days were like hell to me. And he was the only one to be blamed, I thought like a spoiled little brat.   
  
When I had read about practicially all the magazines I checked the time again just when the metalic voice came from somewhere in the airport, catching my attention when I heard the number of Woody's plane, the voice saying it had just arrived. Seriously, I looked like a teenager waiting to see her boyfriend after a long time. I really tried to restrain my anxiety, but it was very hard when all I wanted was to jump into Woody's bones.  
  
I walked to the disembarkation area and scanned the place as people came inside, the crowd soon gathering. I felt a big smile breaking across my face when I finally found Woody and started to wave like a retarded, trying to make him see me. And what wasn't my happiness when he grinned from ear to ear when he caught my signs and saw me. He almost ran to me and put his bag on the floor to wrap his arms around me and bring me up, embracing me like he had done on the dock in LA.   
  
"What are you doing here?" He spoke onto my ear, his breath tickling my hair just below it then he put me back on the floor. He pulled back and looked at me, smiling brightly. He didn't take his hands from around me, so I left my hands around his neck. I stared into his eyes and I knew I shouldn't. I shouldn't have kept my arms around him. I shouldn't have wanted to kiss him. I shouldn't have wanted to hold onto him. But I did. I did and felt that burning inside me.   
  
I giggled and let my arms rest loosely around his neck. "I wanted to make a surprise."   
  
"It was a srurpised indeed. I'm glad you're here. I missed you."   
  
"Why, I missed you too, detective."   
  
"So, how much bored were you?" He let go of me but only time enough to grab his bag then put his arm around my shoulders.   
  
I snuggled into him as we walked out of the airport. "Let's just say things just weren't the same without you."   
  
"Oh boy, you missed me like hell, didn't you?"   
  
I laughed and playfully punched him on the said. "Don't flatter yourself, Hoyt. This doesn't look good."   
  
"Oh, but I'm not." He whispered and I smiled widely. There was something about him that the stupidest things made me smile. It was voluntary, I had no control over it, no one.   
  
I slowly raised my head and met his gaze. He looked so handsome. His face was so soft and held such a welcoming feeling. I could look at him for the rest of my life and don't miss a thing in the world. "Come on. You have a lot to tell me. I wanna know everything."   
  
"Yes, ma'am." He mocked and we walked under a comfortable talk about his trip out of the airport.  
  
* * *  
  
I looked around one more time, checking my place to see if everything was where it should be. I looked at the couch and for some reason the cushions seemed to be on the wrong place, even if I had arranged them over ten times. I thought it was the light, the way it reflected on the cushions and made it look like it was wrong or something.  
  
I sighed and walked to the couch; moving the cushions again and checking to see it they were good on where they were. Oh my God. Suddenly something kicked in my head and I widened my eyes. Oh My God again. What the hell was wrong with me? I mean, Woody was just coming over, nothing more. We had spent time in my place together before. There was nothing wrong or strange in that. Right?   
  
I shook my head trying to shoo this thoughts away but somehow they just wouldn't go away from my head.   
  
This could not be happening. Damn it! I couldn't... I mean; it'd ruin things. It had to ruin things. This was just a 24 hour thing. It's got to be. He was always with me during the most difficult moments; he was always ready to take my ass out of the holes I insisted on putting it in. He was always there so it was a normal reaction. It was normal to feel differently towards someone you spend so much time with. Completely normal. So tomorrow, everything would be okay. All these feelings and thoughts towards him would just go away and I would think of him just as I did before all of this happens. Yeah, that's it. It was just a 24 hour thing. I mean, it was just him. My closest friend who happened to be a boy. I couldn't... I just couldn't...   
  
I couldn't possibly like him that way.  
  
The doorbell rang... And it was him.   
  
  
  
And it wasn't a 24 hour thing.   
  
* * *   
  
"So, tell me, what kind of movies did you rent?" Woody asked as he walked back to the couch with two bottles of cold beers. He was back from Wisconsin after four days there and I missed him like hell. Strange huh? I just thought that we could have a movie section to celebrate his back from his land.   
  
I tapped the spot beside me mentioning Woody to sit and lifted two DVD boxes. "Casablanca and X Files The Movie."   
  
When the magic words left my mouth his eyes widened and that big smile spread across his face. "You kidding..."   
  
"Of course not." I smiled back and as he sat beside me I regretted that he did. He answered me something but I didn't really care at the moment, I didn't pay attention so I don't know what he said.   
  
I breathed in and out slowly, like I was supposed to when I needed to be calm. My goodness, why did he have to sit so close? So close that I could feel his body warmth, that smell of his... I didn't mind sitting this close, no, no, but not when emotions like this ran through me. Especially when the person who it belonged to was right there. And how exactly did all this begin? How these feelings suddenly just popped inside me and made my so perfect world spin? Because as much as I enjoyed them giving me warmth, it was just complicated. I couldn't have that because it would mess up so much stuff and I probably wouldn't know anything anymore. It would ruin my so perfect world.   
  
"Jordan?"   
  
Suddenly I came back to earth with him calling my name and looked at him just to see the weird look on his face. "What?"  
  
"Are you ok?"   
  
"Of course. Why wouldn't I be?" I muttered and took the DVD from his hand and my fingers brushed his hand as I took the box, and we exchanged an awkward look. Well, me actually. Then I got up to put it in the player, thanking God for giving me a reason to get away from him, even if for a few seconds and being able to sit a little more away from him.   
  
* * *  
  
"Please God, give me all the strength I need." I silently prayed as I pounded my forehead on the bathroom wall. Why the hell did this have to kick in? Why the hell couldn't I even be in the same place as him? I was Jordan Cavanaugh, the master of controlling my feelings and keeping them at bay. So why, fucking why couldn't I just sit next to him without seeming I'd have a heart attack anytime?   
  
Oh fuck... maybe it was just the temperature. Maybe it was just the... the... anything. Maybe my body was just playing games with me and making me think Woody was all hot and gorgeous and I wanted to have in my bed as soon as possible. Oh my god... it wasn't that. I finally realized that having Woody in my bed wouldn't be enough. It wasn't what I wanted. Not only it anyway. But what exactly did I want? And I couldn't, right? It was kind of random and... and... It would just screw things up a bit. I couldn't. Absolutely couldn't. It was just too familiar yet weird.   
  
"Oh Lord, please help me." I pounded my forehead on the wall again, thinking that maybe some pain would take my mind from Woody to the throbbing in my head. Stupid, I know, but everybody thought that. I did not, and I repeat, I did not have feelings for him. Not those kind of feelings.   
  
Ok, everything settled, everything right. I was in an agreement with myself so I could get out of bathroom. And I had to anyway, because Woody would call for me anytime. I was way too much inside my bathroom.   
  
I sighed in deeply and closed my eyes to focus on my goal. Come on Jordan; just go, I thought, there's nothing wrong. I mean; it's just Woody. Holy crap....   
  
I was going to die. I twitched as a chill ran up my spine. I wanted so badly to leave the bathroom and go sit with him yet I just wanted to stay put and don't see him. My head was spinning and I didn't know what to do.   
  
"Come on. You have to go." I murmured trying to give myself courage enough to do so. "You can't stay here all day." I wiped my hands on my pants as I got up and left the room. Crap. Things really could change in a few hours or so.   
  
This was so unhealthy for me.   
  
* * *  
  
"I don't know what's wrong with me..." I muttered trying hard to pretend Dr. Stiles wasn't staring at me as if I was some kind of freak.   
  
"I think you do." He nodded and gave me that look which said 'you know exactly what's going on' shrinks always gave to their patients. "Not that there's something wrong with you."   
  
I pressed my tongue against the inside of my cheek. I guess it was my fault for accidentally bringing up the whole Woody ordeal to Doc psychologist here; and now, I had to deal with him asking questions and such. I opened it and I have to close it. "I just... I'm not sure..."   
  
"So, what now?"   
  
"What do you mean 'what now'? You're not going to help?" I asked, even though my words came out more as a plea than anything else. I mean, he was supposed to help me. He was supposed to... what exactly? He couldn't give me the answers I didn't even try to find. "There's nothing to do about 'what now.' I'm not going to do anything."   
  
"Jordan, you could even try."   
  
"Try what? It's Woody. I'm not supposed to feel this away towards him. It's kind of forbidden."   
  
"And why is that? Because you said so?"   
  
I looked at him for about five minutes. Actually less, but it seemed so. Then finally words dared to leave my mouth. "I can't." He knew that. He knew I couldn't. I made a promise years before and I had broken it once, I couldn't do it again. I couldn't let myself feel something more than friendship for Woody.   
  
"You're here practically telling me you want to be with him-"   
  
"I never said that."   
  
"- but you won't let yourself actually feel it." He went on as if I hadn't said a word to interrupt him. I looked down, not having the energy to stare at him. "Jordan, you can't keep that promise any longer. You're hurting yourself. You're keeping yourself from loving. If you don't try to have a true relationship afraid that it's going to hurt you, you're really being stupid."   
  
My head snapped up, my eyes widened in shock that he was actually calling me stupid and just. "Wha..." I started to say but closed my mouth when his hand went up to tell me to shut up.   
  
"You're keeping yourself from being happy. Have you ever thought that you're living a lie? Try looking at yourself in the mirror when you say the same things that you told me. Look yourself on the face."   
  
"Don't you think I tried? I'm afraid." I whispered as I tried hard to keep tears from falling. Damn it. I didn't want to cry. I didn't need that. I shouldn't be even feeling like that.   
  
"You have to try again. You can't keep running all the time. You may reach a dead end and you'll have to come back. You can't keep it in forever. Feelings like that don't stay in."   
  
I looked back at him, looking at him with a blank face. I knew what he was saying, but at the same time, I just didn't. His words were very slowly registering and it seemed they would not get inside my brain anytime soon. "..What do you mean 'feelings like that don't stay in'?" I asked after a moment of silence.   
  
He smiled at me with that small, mysterious smile of his and put his hands behind his head. "You know what I mean. Just think about it."   
  
I looked at him puzzled and he did nothing but smile. Wow. Thanks Dr. Stiles. You're a great help.... Sarcasm intended.   
  
* * *  
  
Holy Mother of God....  
  
  
  
I let the pen fall out of my hands and stared into nothing, focused on something beyond the wall ahead of me. I finally got what Dr. Stiles was saying... and it was all true.   
  
  
  
'Feelings like that don't stay in.'   
  
  
  
...I think mine just came out.   
  
'You can't keep running all the time.'   
  
I think I knew what he meant.   
  
  
  
Holy.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Shit  
  
  
  
...I'm in love with Woody...  
  
* * *  
  
End of chapter three. Yay. Seriously, I got so enthusiasmed to do this. Suddenly everything just popped I my head and know exactly what to write.   
  
Review please, otherwise I won't post more because I won't know if you like it or not. 


	4. Chapter Four

A Simple Twist of Fate (Or Love) 4  
  
Author's Note: Ok, so again I'm sorry for the delay. Working in so many fanfics make it hard to keep up with everything. And this chapter was kind of... I don't know. I just couldn't put my thought into words and finish this damn chapter, which I believe will be the last one.   
  
Read and review.   
  
~*~  
  
DamnitDamnitDamnitDamnitDamnitDamnitDamnitDamnitDamnitDamnitDamnitDamnitDamnit!  
  
Damn it...  
  
Oh Holy Lord... What am I going to do? I thought to myself as I nervously paced the small space in front of my couch. What am I going to do? I whirled and paced the way back, ending where I had started and whirled again. This could not happen. Of everything that COULD have happened, it had to be just that? It was wrong, it was irrational and it went against all my believes. It went against all that I had built up around me for twenty years. It couldn't...  
  
It just couldn't happen.   
  
I finally stopped pacing and sat on the couch when a headache started to kick in, realizing that walking in circles would only increase the pain in my head. I couldn't stop twisting my hands as Dr. Stiles' words kept running in my head over and over again and the more I thought about it the more scared I became. My legs started making repetitive up and down involuntary moves and I bit the very edge of my lip until the metallic taste of blood touched my tongue.   
  
I couldn't do it. I couldn't handle it. Damn, I couldn't let myself fall for him... I couldn't... I looked at everywhere in my apartment, my eyes not being able to stay quiet and focus on one single thing. I couldn't stay. I had... I needed to get away from everything. I had to sort things out. Think things through. And I couldn't do that here. Yeah, I needed to be away from everything for a while.   
  
Thinking that I had made up my mind, I rushed to my bedroom and packed all I needed as quickly as I could, throwing my things careless inside a bag. As I ran to the bathroom to take a few things my eyes found a glimpse of my guitar and I made a mental note to grab that too.   
  
With my bag full and closed and my guitar securely with me I walked to the door. It was strange that I didn't care of leaving everything behind, of not caring about things, but never left my precious guitar behind. It was the only thing I actually never left behind. I needed the music to distract me and fill the holes inside me when I felt too alone. When I played my guitar all I focused on was the music and paid attention to not make any mistakes.   
  
I opened the red, old wood door and stopped for a second to look around. I sighed deeply when I realized that I was running once again. God... I always ran. I always gathered what I needed, what I thought I needed for survival and ran. How could I always leave my loved ones behind? How did I have the courage to do so?   
  
Because you are always scared, I heard that annoying little voice in the bottom of my head.  
  
I was scared of feeling; that I would end up hurt, end up pushing people away. That I wouldn't be able to have control of things and stop whatever evil thing that could happen. That my feelings would grow so much and in the end be just left there with no one to accept it. I was scared of my heart and soul being torn, especially how strong I felt for the person. I was just scared. The fear blocked my path.   
  
So I ran.   
  
And the fear was left behind with everything else.   
  
* * *  
  
I didn't know where I was going, but that really wasn't my top priority. The pieces were suddenly being broken apart, torn.. like me. I got pulled up and I just had to get fucking pushed down again. I was falling and couldn't see anything to grab a hold on. Something to save me. When I thought I was in control over everything something had to happen just to rub on my face that I had control over fucking nothing. That I was hopeless. Helpless.  
  
I loved him damn it. I knew I couldn't fight this. I couldn't stop feelings from finding their own way inside me. I loved him with everything I had. I never felt this way for anybody before. I'm in love for goodness fucking sake. And THAT couldn't happen.   
  
I kept on driving... I just kept on driving. I had nowhere to go and no place to stop, so what was the reason of not drive? So I just kept on driving. I'd stop eventually when I needed gas. Without gas the car wouldn't move anymore so I'd be forced to stop. That would be the only way to stop me. My hands had a tight grip on the steering wheel. I looked at myself in the rear view mirror, seeing something I've never seen before that was in me.   
  
My eyes didn't seem to be mine. They had no light in them anymore, no sparkle of any sorts. Nothing. They were ice and cold and empty. That scared me, scared me to see such a thing in me. To see the emptiness I felt inside when I should feel complete, whole. Feel alive for being in love. I thought that that was how I looked like when mom was murdered. When I found her bloody and dead body on the floor.   
  
Then I felt that burning behind me eyes turn into real tears and drop shameless out of my eyes.   
  
I pulled over to the side. I needed to calm down, to wipe my tears away and clear my eyes so I could see the road again. I didn't want to stop but the salty state of my eyes forced me to do so. I wondered when I had lost the control over things. When they escaped out of my grasp. I wiped my eyes with my long sleeved shirt and sniffed. I breathed in and out slowly, getting my breathes back to normal.   
  
Then I kept on driving again.   
  
* * *  
  
"Just dial the freaking numbers you moron," I mumbled to myself.   
  
  
  
I tried to give myself confidence to do my goal in mind, but it wasn't coming as quickly as I hoped. I paced back and forth repeatedly throughout my hotel room and if I kept this up, I was going to have serious troubles with the hotel guy. The thing was, why are the simplest things, sometimes the hardest ones to do? It baffled me and I just didn't get it.   
  
I was gone from Boston for a few days now and I was sure everyone was worried about me. At least I hoped so. And internally I truly hoped Woody was the one worried the most. I knew it was stupid because my dad would probably be more worried than everyone else, but my mixed feelings for Woody just got into the way and made me see not the reality I lived in.   
  
I eyed the phone in my hand and quickly made up my mind right there and then. I turned it on and hastily dialed dad's bar number. I told myself over and over that I already got one step down and there was really no use on leaving it unfinished. I needed to call dad and tell him I was ok.   
  
Simple.   
  
I tapped my fingers to some random beat on my leg as I glanced at the clock and waited dad to pick up the phone, and after two or three seconds I heard his breathed out voice. "Jordan?"   
  
"Dad... hi." I said with that little bit of uncertainty in my voice. I wasn't really sure of what to expect. If a harsh angry preach from Dad or happy, relieved words.   
  
"Jordan, for God's sake, where are you? What do you think you're doing?" His voice was calm but firm as if he was used to me running like that, what was true, but he still thought it was the most wrong idea. I could picture him leaned over the counter, teeth gritted and a hard frown.   
  
"Dad, I just..."   
  
"Are you ok? You know what? Come back right now. Come back and we will talk and you will tell me why you ran."   
  
"I'm ok. I needed to get away from things for a while... " I started but then I heard Woody's muffled voice talking to dad.   
  
~Hey, Max.~ He sounded tired and worn out. I could hear his movements as he sat somewhere near dad and sighed. ~Any news from Jordan, yet? I swear when I find her I'm gonna kick her ass all the way back home...~ I felt a smile spread across my face like in those freaking McDonald's commercials as I heard his faked attempt to threaten me. And he had said 'when' instead of 'if'. It could seem dumb but it made me smile even bigger. I knew he would come to me no matter what.   
  
"It's Jordan on the phone." Dad said and I swear I could hear him jumping from his tool to grab the phone.   
  
"Jordan? Are you ok? Where are you?"   
  
"Hi Woody." I whispered somewhat embarrassed. "How ya doing?"   
  
"Don't give me that, Jordan Cavanaugh. Do you have any idea how much you worried us? Everyone is worried to death. You didn't call for days. I even thought you were dead."   
  
His words were harsh but concerned. I felt as though they were touching my very soul. He reminded me that someone truly cared. I knew that, I knew I had people who cared deeply about me I just needed someone to remember me sometimes. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." I trailed off, not really knowing what to say and again that burning feeling behind my eyes kicked in.  
  
I think he noticed that because he sighed softly. "It's ok, Jordan. I didn't want to be harsh. I just... Can you tell me where you are?"   
  
I didn't want to go back, not yet, but I couldn't exactly stay away forever. I wanted to tell him that, I wanted to tell him bye and hung up, but while my mind told me to do exactly that my heart screamed for him and it seemed this time my heart would win. "Cincinnati."   
  
"Ok. Now just stay put, all right? Can you give me the address and I'll pick you up."   
  
"Woody, I..." I shook my head to myself. God, I couldn't go back yet. I was still hurting. The pain lingered inside of my body. I was still confused, still numb and lost. All in all, I felt the same all together.   
  
"Shh, you don't need to come back. Yet at least. I'll just come to you and we talk, all right?"   
  
I hadn't even spoken, yet he knew what I meant. He knew me too well. That was always the problem. While I kept him so very far away, he was still always right up close with me. And I knew that even trying to keep him far away, somehow I just ended bringing him closer. I tried so hard not to show my vulnerability to anybody, but Woody always knew something was up with me but he didn't ask or pushed the issue. He understood me completely it seemed like. And it was all the whole scarier.   
  
"Ok. I'm...." My voice faded off, and I closed her eyes for a moment, blinking away the pooling liquid forming in my eyes. Seconds later, finding my voice again, I give him the address.  
  
"Can you wait for me?" He asked with that uncertainty hint in his voice and I wasn't able to speak for a moment. "Jordan?"   
  
"Ok."   
  
I think my voice wasn't strong enough because he sighed and speak again. "Promise me, Jordan."   
  
I knew he wouldn't give up or even hung up until I had said the words he so much wanted to hear, so I did and I planed on keeping my promise. "I promise."   
  
"Ok. I'll be there in a few hours. Wait for me."   
  
"I'll be here."   
  
* * *  
  
Emerging, a few hours later, into the bright sun light I pulled on my sunglasses and I crossed my arms as I waited for Woody to arrive. I was anxious and nervous, not knowing what to do with my hands and feet, as I moved them all the time. I thought that crossing my arms would stop at least my hands from twisting.   
  
It was stupid, it was senseless and it was irritating me. I put my arms harshly beside my body and sighed angrily. Just then a car pulled up and I looked expectantly, hoping it was finally Woody. And it was. As he got out of the car my heart fluttered and all the feelings came rushing back. Whenever I see him again, it's like it's the first time ever. It always felt new. He locked eyes with mine and a sweet smile crept up on his face. He locked eyes with mine and a sweet smile crept up on his face. His face held that relieved expression, his eyes twinkled and this rush of relief and happiness went through me. He flashed that gorgeous smile, the one that reached his eyes and lit up all of his features  
  
He walked over to me and as soon as he got close enough he slapped the side of my head softly. "Dumbass." He said and before I could even open my mouth to protest his abusive self, he wrapped his arms around me and lifted my up, bringing me closer and tightening his arms around me.   
  
"I'm glad to see you, too."   
  
Instead of saying something, he let out a breathy sigh and tightened his arm eve more around me. He put me back down and took his arms from around me so he could cup my face in his smooth and gentle hands. Before saying a single word he just stared at me for a long while, burning his eyes in mine. "Don't do that again. Ever again."   
  
His eyes were so deep into mine that it was causing an uncomfortable effect on me. This proximity was becoming too much. I tried to discreetly step away from his touch and turned my eyes down shakily, trying to break his connection with me, but unable to do so. "Yeah, I... I wasn't myself. It was just a spur of the moment thing."   
  
"I think running more than once isn't a spur of the moment."   
  
I crossed my arms in a protective position, trying to keep him from me and all the feelings he brought. I walked away from him, putting some space between us. "I don't think it's your business."   
  
He was walking to me and stopped in his tracks when he heard my words, then spoke to me across the few feet that separated us; across the wall I always built to keep myself from getting too close to anyone. "Not my business?? For crying out loud, Jordan!" He ran his fingers nervously in his hair, rubbing his eyes as his hands passed over them. "I can't believe you're saying this..." He whispered, trailing off.   
  
I stood there, staring at him as he tried to keep his focus, to keep his cool. Maybe he was telling himself to deal because that was I, the Jordan he always knew. Maybe he was having a small chit chat inside his head, trying to understand me better, to find out what to say, what to do.   
  
He looked up, back at me and stared right into my eyes. "You became my business two years ago, Jordan. As much as I tried I couldn't take you out of my head. I couldn't let go of you. Do you think running away would change things? You were gone for over a week. Every kind of bad things ran in my head. I thought that every kind of things could have happened to you. I love you, Jordan."   
  
Suddenly the anger I felt before changed and I found that they were replaced by a new wave of feeling. Something richer, heavier, penetrated my skin and bones heart and mind. Seeped through every wall and filled every nook and cranny and hidden space.   
  
Oh Sweet Lord, it was love. Real, thick, messy love. Love for Woody like I had never felt before.   
  
"What's it gonna be, Jordan? Is it you run every time you feel something, or are you finally ready to let go?" Woody interrupted my thoughts.  
  
I turned back to face him fully, pulling my sunglasses off so that my eyes were no longer covered. I think he could see that they were laced with fresh pain. Admittedly, somewhere, buried beneath every thought of fear and anger, rage and hatred, I had known Woody wouldn't leave me, he never did. "Let go of what?" I stalled, trying to come to some reasonable understanding of what I should say.  
  
"Of your past. Your mother's murder."   
  
"I can't forget her..."   
  
"No." He put both hands on my arms, softly caressing me skin there, letting his fingers gently play with my skin. "I'm not telling you to forget her, I'm telling you to stop living in the past and start to live the now. To live your life and let go of what happened. You can't keep living in the past and stop yourself from being happy."   
  
"What if I'm not supposed tl be happy? What if I can't?"   
  
"You don't know. No one does. We have to try. Have you tried yet Jordan?" I just kept staring at him trying to find the right words to answer this. But I couldn't. If I did I would lie to him and I didn't want to do that. He brought his hand up, from my arms to my face, cupping it again. "We're taking a gamble here, by trying to pursue a relationship. But, it's a gamble I'm willing to take. Are you?" Woody narrowed his eyes, but did not break their intense gaze into my own eyes as he waited my response.  
  
"How did you do it, Woody?" I asked despondently.  
  
"Do what?"  
  
"Overcome all of the doubts and fear enough to show me the true you? How do you take the risk of a moment of happiness when we can end up hurt?…when we could lose each other?"  
  
"Like I said, Jordan, this whole thing…us…it's a gamble, but I play to win, I always have. In my opinion, you're worth it, the question is whether or not you feel the same." His voice was steady and almost soothing. "Is giving us a chance worth it or not?"  
  
A string of emotions ran through me; confusion and anger were the forerunners, but they were followed quickly by love and understanding, which led me to the one emotion that finally answered his whole search: fear.   
  
Fear of losing the person I loved just like happened with my mom.   
  
I used to always deny it, but I knew that Woody always loved me no matter what. No matter my 'issues', my 'jump into the act' way of doing things, never listening to anyone. But I, well, I was a lot less sure of my feelings before. I couldn't really love him, because I couldn't love anyone. My heart was frozen; I had turned it into a cold ice cube, stopping myself from loving so I wouldn't get hurt. But I remembered wondering whether, if I could love him then could we be happy together? Was I willing to take this gamble? Was I willing to lose him forever just to try to be happy with him?  
  
I closed my eyes and the liquid pools in them began to overflow, tears leaving trails down my cheeks, but my voice was soft as silk. "Yes." I answered him with much more vehemence than I had ever felt in my life. After a few seconds of silence I felt his lips against my eyelids, first one, then the other. I opened my eyes to meet his, bright and caring. And then everything felt to be melting as he captured my lips in what felt to me like our first real kiss.   
  
It was the first time that I had really kissed him. Like, really, truly kissed him and meant it and been all there - mind, body and soul.   
  
And, wow, it was good.   
  
I was always one of letting only my body speak. This was easy for me, the physical, doing stuff. But the other, mushy, gushy stuff? Not so much. To me the sex was easy and all I needed. Why have all the package if I could have only the fun? I didn't need that, or so I thought. I never really stopped to think if I missed the real thing, the feelings, the doing silly things together, the true, deep meaning behind the physical thing. But with Woody it was completely different. I didn't think of the physical, I thought about the whole package. About the feelings hidden behind all that.   
  
I always let my brain speak for myself instead of letting the true words in my heart. It was stupid, I finally realized, because that way I was hurting myself even more. I was hurting without the pleasure and happiness that usually came with the pain. I only felt the pain. The fear made me hurt and stop loving. But now I wanted to change it. I wanted to be happy.   
  
But could I... Would I be happy with him?   
  
That was my chance to find out.   
  
~Fin~  
  
So, what do you think? Worthy reading? Worthy a review? 


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